I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
