Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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