Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
