it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
