my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
