she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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