Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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