Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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