I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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