I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
