This girl is more easily done than said...
Michael Bay diarrhea
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
