she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
