Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
