What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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