The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize