I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
