I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
