You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
