It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
