If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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