UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
home. puking in laundry basket.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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