I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
