careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
