oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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