Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
