I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
