Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
