One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize