dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I have tasted many bathrooms
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
