How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
