I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
