I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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