The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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