So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
