I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
