I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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