This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
