You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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