Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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