he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
