she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize