U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
