His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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