I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
