i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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