I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
