i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
