Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
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