Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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