What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
