loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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