I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's blow job season.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
