Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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