hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
