I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize