I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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