I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She just used a chaser for red wine.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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