I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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