You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
