I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
