I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
