I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
