apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
