so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize