I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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