I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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