there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
