he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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