I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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