Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
