obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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