Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
