i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
