The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize