i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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