Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize