Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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