OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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