The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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