you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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