i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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