Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
