The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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