My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
