Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I need to calm my uterus...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize