I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
