Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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