Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
