I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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