At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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