What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
