I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
