..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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