i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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