I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
