Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Found your dick twin last night
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
