PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
