he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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