You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
