Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
