Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
