Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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