are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
