Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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