I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
