Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I love you. Go after that dick
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
